The challenges just never end. I truly feel as if life has exhausted itself by throwing everything it can at me. I’m approaching my one year anniversary with the love of my life, but I just can’t seem to put myself in a celebrating state of mind. I am exhausted. I feel so damn stuck. Our relationship has saved me, he has saved me so many times this year. But how many crisis can you face before it starts to tear at your bond and at your heart? Lately, I find myself surprised when I have a good day, or when I don’t complain. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? I am beginning to feel like I am mainly a pain in the ass, instead of a girlfriend. How can you have a healthy relationship when you don’t feel healthy? When you feel so heavy? I realize this is about to turn into a full blown rant, but I just need to rant away for myself. I have no money, I’m in debt - how do you feel good about buying an anniversary present when you know it’s going on the credit card? How do you look forward to summer when you know you’re never going to get time alone? How do you sleep soundly at night when you find out the red bumps on your arms were bed bug bites?
How do I get past this,
How’d it get so hard?
My mind races with a million thoughts every day, I can’t imagine that’s easy on my body.
I know you’ve been hurt by someone else. I can tell by the way you carry yourself. If you let me, here’s what I’ll do, I’ll take care of you.
—Take Care - Drake ft Rihanna
Why can’t I find you. Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter you used to bring me, why can’t I hear music play?
My world is changing, I’m rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too…
but somehow, at times she could not believe he was really hers. As they lay side by side on the bed, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. His face was so beautiful. His bright eyes always reflected love, his skin was always soft to her touch, his smile would give her the craziest butterflies. The two lovers talked and shared “secrets”, some of which they already knew, some that were new and quite interesting. They laughed about their differences, and revelled in their similarities. Laughter shook them both, as it usually did when they talked about the past. He had a past that screamed “rebel!” and her secrets seemed innocent when compared to his. Love had overwhelmed her, and these things no longer mattered. He was here now. He was no longer a rebellious boy, he was a man, who was discovering who he was meant to be.
Lately, times had been hard. The young couple often felt tested, and were unsure of how much more they could take on. But moments like this, staring at each other on the comfortable, sinking queen mattress, these moments reassured them. They were meant to find each other, to love each other, to support each other. Yes, life was knocking them down, one event at a time, but neither ever stayed on the ground. She had never been more determined to care for someone in her life. His pain felt like her pain, and consequently, his happiness became her happiness. He meant so much to her, and she knew she meant just as much to him.
It was around ten in the morning when she woke, and right away she looked over to see the same beautiful face. Hearing his soft sighs was comforting, just having his body so close and so relaxed was enough to put a smile on her face. Life’s hard, but love is the softness that everyone needs to fall into sometimes.